5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 7, 2013
1. Marilyn Monroe Supposedly Fell For The Old "I'm Going To Leave My Wife And Make You The First Lady Of The United States" Trick
According to a new book about John F. Kennedy and his wife, an apparently very gullible Marilyn Monroe called Jacqueline in the White House and informed her that the President was planning to get a divorce and marry her. The First Lady supposedly responded by saying, "And you'll move into the White House and you'll assume the responsibilities of first lady, and I'll move out and you'll have all the problems." To which, Monroe responded with a massive overdose of barbiturates.
2. Gigantic Eared Man And Enormous Chinned Man Discuss Foreign Policy For Nation's Amusement
Audiences across the country were briefly entertained last night by a whimsical burlesque involving a man with comically-large ears claiming to be the President of the United States and another fellow with a humorously-protruding lower mandible and high squeaky voice who goes about with the preposterous name of Jay Leno. The two cohorts discussed such droll topics as global terrorism, domestic spying, hate crimes and vigilante murder.
Obama claims he doesn't support torture, yet he guested on Leno.— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) August 7, 2013
3. Report: Johnny Football Was Paid $7,500, Or Roughly One One-Jillionth Of What Texas A&M Makes Off Of Him And Doesn't Share With Anyone
ESPN is reporting that Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel — who is already being investigated by the NCAA for charges that he accepted money to sign memorabilia — may have also accepted $7,500 from another broker for signing about 300 team helmets. That's a whopping $25 per helmet, or about half of what the school gets for a pair of A&M-branded flip-flops.
What if all this time Johnny Manziel was going to use the money to throw a surprise party for NCAA officials?— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) August 6, 2013
4. PBS Names First Female Co-Anchor Team In History Of Both PBS and Real Television
PBS, which come to think of it actually does have a news show, is set to make history in September when Gwen Ifill and Judy Woodruff take over NewsHour and become the first all-female anchor team on a nightly network news show. Their inaugural newscast will also make history by becoming the first airing of NewsHour that people actually watch.
5. Dustin Hoffman Shines In Latest Role as "Guy Who Doesn't Have Cancer Anymore"
Dustin Hoffman is turning heads and making waves in Hollywood and across the country as the people everywhere are really responding to the method actor's newest feel-good role as a 75-year-old actor who had cancer but then had surgery to get it removed and is now totally fine.