Al Qaeda Makes Its Terrorists Fill Out Expense Reports And Attend Bullshit Meetings Just Like Your Bosses
(THE GIST)— Terrorists, they're just like us! Sort of.
According to a letter obtained by the Associated Press, terrorists in Al Qaeda's North African division are subject to pretty much the same corporate bullshit everyone else is — being asked to fill out expense reports, attend pointless meetings, and have their performances passive-aggressively micromanaged by the powers that be.
In the 12-page letter, Al Qaeda's governing body complains to international terrorist Moktar Belmoktar, using bullet points nonetheless, about his openly mocking co-workers, refusing to return his manager's phone calls, forgetting to fill out expense reports, and poor fundraising skills — referring to the time he accepted $900,000 in ransom for a kidnapped Canadian diplomat, instead of the $3 million going rate.
Like many disgruntled employees, Belmoktar has since quit his job and formed his own competing group, the Masked Brigade.
Sample passive aggressive quote:
"(Al Qaeda gave you) a considerable amount of money to buy military material, despite its own great need for money at the time. ... and you didn't participate in stepping up to buy weapons...So whose performance deserves to be called poor in this case, I wonder?"