5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 18, 2013
1. New York City Honors Deceased Mayor By Getting The Inscription On His Tombstone Mostly Correct
The headstone of former NYC Mayor Ed Koch, who died in February, was accidentally engraved with the wrong birth date, the AP reported Tuesday. The stone currently lists Koch as having been born in 1942 instead of the year in which he was actually born, 1924 — a mistake that is soon to be corrected even though it kind of makes him look like he accomplished everything he did an impressive 18 years earlier than in reality.
2. Montreal Mayor Arrested On Boring Charges That Don't Involve Smoking Crack On Film
Montreal's new mayor, Michael Applebaum, who pledged to stamp out corruption when he took office last November, was arrested and charged with fraud on Monday in another blow to the reputation of one of Canada's large cities that no one really cares about.
3. In What Would Have Been Great News In Like 2005, U.S. Hands Over Control Of Afghanistan
NATO has officially put Afghan forces in charge of the country's security for the first time in the nearly 12-year war. Wait, 12 years already?!?!?! Jesus, where has my life gone?
4. As Prophesied By The 1997 Movie 'G.I. Jane,' Women To Be Placed In Most Combat Jobs
The military will announce plans today to let women train as Navy SEALS, Army Rangers and in other front-line jobs which, if the plot of 'G.I. Jane' is any indication, is going to be difficult for them at first, but they will eventually adjust, all while having a weird sexual tension with Viggo Mortensen.
5. Kim Jong Un Gives Hard Copies Of 'Mein Kampf' As A Birthday Present Like He's Never Even Fucking Heard Of A Kindle
On his birthday this year, Kim Jong Un reportedly gave all of his top officials a copy of Hitler's 'Mein Kampf,' the paperback version! What a cheapskate, right? The gift was reportedly part of a larger effort by Kim to encourage military leaders to study Germany's post-WWI reconstruction — which arguably led to World War II, so, you know, this isn't a great sign.